The pill

“There we were, just in the middle of a large palace, only you and me. How much I have waited for that moment? How many wishes in so many ways I have made in order to live that moment? Oh! My heart was trembling, just as my whole body, was that the moment? You looked so gracious with your dark blue dress, gorgeous as always, I walked to you, while the music was playing. I hug you, you hug me. Your hands were so soft as always, also. Then we danced, I have never danced before, but now it was different, my feet moved with so funny rhythm, your smile, oh that smile I always looked for, I am the happiest person in the world. Not yet. I kissed you. Oh! Now I am truly the happiest person in the world.”

That was written in a dreams’ diary, besides the bed of a man who had died. The doctors will tell later what the cause was. I decided to interview his family and friends.

Good friends he had, a good family also. I started with his mother and father, they were both weeping, and they refused to talk. The grandmother was, in the other hand, dull, showing no emotions or any sentiment to her grandson. I asked her about his life, she answered with an unalterable face, “I expected this, and his life in a box lead him to where we are now. There is no reason to cry now, because he was dead so many years ago”
Her words made me feel uneasy. Then she said “enter to his room, and tell me that you won’t die in that place if you live there also”
I did, I was there, and I took the book of the dreams personally. But there was nothing odd in the room.
I asked his friends, they were really sad, they said that he once talked about suicide, but he was always joking. Another group of friends said that he was always happy, but he was alone, while all of them had dates, he walked alone or stayed at home. But they admired his solitude, as he never needed someone to be joyful.

“Saddens? Never, I never saw him sad” answered one of his cousins.
And other people answered the same.
“Never on drugs or alcohol, never depressed, but angry; one day we had a fight, he lost control of his feelings” replied a man.

The whole family was there, in the first floor of the house, whispering, crying and praying. The friends, were outside, whispering, crying and laughing. But all were bewildered due the strange sudden event.

“…And in the middle of the lecture, I stood up and hit my friend until he beg me for his life, of course, I didn’t listened to him…”

A fragment of another dream. But why? I talked with his friends, all seem to be very good persons. And about the family there was no dream. About a girl who tried to kill him, about a girl who rescue him, about a girl who he misses, about an endless electronic lecture, about a living house, about a child that he cares as he were his father, about a maze, about a football match and another football match, about a tournament, about a metal, about an exam and another exam, about dinosaurs and volcanoes, about a TV which does not turn off, about a man and a girl kissing in front of him, about a travel, about new friends, about old friends… That were his dreams about.

“His only adventure was a year ago, before and after, he has always been there, in that box, in that jail made by him” answered an uncle of him. I heard similar answers from his friends. His dreams sound more excited than his own life. Maybe, he was in a psychological agony, trying to do something that he never reached; I guess he was stupid, why to give up so easily? Is death a free place? or will he find another box or jail there?
I returned to his room, his cellphone started to ring. One of his friends was calling, I was the only one there, should I answered or not? I did not. But a message arrive
“I needed to talk” another message arrive “no, there is no time to talk, just please, do not do it” and finally she said “at least say good bye”
She knew more about what was happening that all the people I interviewed, and she was not here in the house or outside, who could be?

An ambulance arrived, and the doctors took the body, mother and father went to the hospital. And in the evening, the results showed that he had taken poison from a pill.

A pill? I took his phone and saw the messages, she was still sending them, and I answered her, “what I should not do?”

Typing… The app said typing…

“It is unnecessary, show me that you are not a child anymore, you are a man”
I was alone at home, all people went to the funeral, and I was there, in the room of the dead man, covered by thousands of unseen shadows, I felt heavy and sad. I began to question my life, lonely I, I won’t say, no one should know what happened. Later, I heard some steps inside the empty house, I went to the stairs, and from there I saw a shadow, moving from right to left, then he scream:
“I know you are here! Show yourself”
I went to him, and he said “you call me, you say dead, but you don’t want to die. Fortunately, I have something you might want, this pill will make you forget everything, and will give you a new life, a fresh start. You will be able to build your happiness from zero.”
I thought for a while, maybe that is what I need, then I asked “what will you win with this?”
“Your memories, the most valuable thing of someone, those which have made you, those that tell who you were and who you are now. Those, which are part of your soul. Those, which are part of your family. Those, which are part of your friends. Those, which are part of you. But if you will start again, why you will need them?”

I thought, my darkest thoughts were my only thoughts. Life had no meaning for me, anymore. But in my doubt I wrote the name of the one who gave me birth, the name of the one who took care of me, the names of the ones who were with me during my childhood, of my friends that are not my friends anymore, the names of my enemies, the names of my friends of school, names of my cousins, the names of the girls I liked, names of the teachers that taught me, and the names of those who don’t taught me. I also wrote the names of my new friends, of my new cousins and uncles and aunts; the names of my friends I met on the other side of the world, which were from so different countries, and the names of the persons I admire.
The shadow yelled at me “what are you writing? Just take the pill”

I saw the message in the phone, and a new message arrived “Show yourself to never give up, show yourself how smart you are”

I answered to the shadow “I am too young to decide if I have to start a new life or not, a long voyage awaits me, and what I was doing was writing a list of the people which show me why life is worth fighting for. I may be sad, but I am glad to have met the persons I have met, and to have lived what I have lived. Losing my memories does not worth the same as that pill.”

The shadow saw my eyes and I saw its eyes, I won this time, it vanishes and the alarm sounded.

It was a dream. Yes, it was. Or not? I saw the pill, besides my bed with a note “I left it, just in case”


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