Daugava and Aidana

Have you ever been to Riga? If not, you ought to.

Today I will not talk about how is life there, or how different the country is compared with my home country; today, as usual, I will tell a story, which happened there, in Vecriga (the old town in Riga, the capital of Latvia, one of the three Baltic states)

Whether it was November or December, I do not know, and it will make no difference anyways.

During a cold night of autumn, my friends and I were walking outside, they were just looking for a bar or a club to drink and dance, I have to admit that I am not so keen on those places, but I wanted to distract myself for the recent events. Going from Ala bar to French bar and then to Rock cafe, then return to French bar, that was what we did since 10pm. At the beginning, as always, it was really enjoyable, knowing people from so different countries, talk about our culture, and so on. But this did not last forever, once a big group of people from one country met, one is put aside. And if this does not happen, alcohol starts doing what always do.

It was maybe midnight when I wanted to return home, I had talked and drink enough. What I wanted was to sleep. But not just sleep, I wanted to dream for ever. I walked through the streets, just watching all the people drinking and smoking, and some others were already drunk, speaking unintelligible phrases in Russian, Latvian or English. Others were begging for money, but no one was like me, walking alone from one “iela” to another, I was looking for the endless sleep. Finally, after maybe one hour walking, I was near to the Valdemara’s street. In the morning it is full of cars, but now, you can barely see one, most of them taxis. I crossed the street and start ascending through the bridge, and there I stopped, watching the Daugava’s river.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“No one knows, some people call me río, others call me River but most of them called me Upe; however, it does not matter, as I am just Daugava

“Have you ever been bored?”

“What? How can I ever been bored of my life, I go from here to there, I arrive to the Baltic Sea, and then return. I see a lot of people, here and there, but not just see them, I see what is hidden inside them, as I reflect what distress them. I have even travel to Stockholm, Helsinki, Oslo and Copenhagen. I have felt in love with so many people abroad, as a lot of them have fallen in love with me. There have been some cases which people have sank due their love for me. It might be a sad story, but I feel happy about that, at the end I fall in love with them and I swallowed. So, no, I have never been bored.” 

“For how long have you been doing that?”

“I cannot tell, I have lost record of it, hundreds or even thousands of years”

“And during the winter? I heard that you got frozen”

“Yes, I do, my body dies, but my soul remains alive, I feel the same as when I am unfrozen, I do the same, but I am unable to talk. However, this difference in my routine, makes my life interesting, when I am ice, I can swim to St. Petersburg, London, France, Portugal and even Canada or USA. Have you ever been to America? People said it is magical and colourful, a continent full of culture”

“I am from Mexico, and if you want to ask why I am her, that is a question I cannot answer yet”

“Amazing, I hope the sun heat does not unfroze me this winter, in order to get to your country, they said it is so gorgeous”

“Indeed it is”

“Now, the night is in its climax, and I ought to tell you what I see in you, and you are not so obtuse, so if you are ready to jump, just do it, I will not oppose, it is your decision. Do not hesitate, just do it, just let me fall in love with you.”

And maybe that should be best choice. The cold wind was hitting my face while I looked the tides over the river. I was not afraid of what will happen, but what I will let behind: family and friends.

“Do it!” The river shouted with anger, “Do you want to know the feeling of someone loving you? Just do it, and I will cover you, protect you, and feed you, until the end of the times. Do not refuse your real thoughts, you think about your mama, your grandmamma, and sometimes, your uncles and aunts, your cousins. But they are supposed to love you, they have no choice. Have you ever thought about, what would happen if your cousins or just relatives were not part of your family? Well, I know what might happened, and they would not talk to you. Family love is useless, tasteless, it is just an obligation for you and your relatives. Now, you know nobody who really loves you, I feel pity for you, but now I am giving you the opportunity to have a real love.”

All its arguments were right, I just continued watching the tides, the smooth movement over the river. The wind calmer down, and the only thing I had to do was to jump to put an end to this misery live.

However, in that very moment, the clouds moved and the silver light of the moon reflected over the river. I did not know what to do now. The shine of the moon was astonished and beautiful, I gave a step back, and the river shouted “You dare to deny my offer!, you know that I am right, stop thinking about your misfortune future or your false family, the only one who loves you is me, Daugava, and no one of else…” It continued screaming, but the moon just blinded my thoughts. Again the moon and I met, how many years since the last time? It does not matter now.

“What a surprise!” I said with joy “I am so glad to see you again, just to say goodbye”

“Actually, it is the first time we meet, but I admire your effusiveness”

“What? Who are you then? I am pretty sure we have met before, since so many years ago”

“Maybe, but I am sure we do not, how are you called?” She asked with a funny and graceful voice

“That does not matter, as soon as I jump to the river, my name will be of no use”

Jump to where?” She asked frightened “I should see it before, you have that face, that thoughts, but I will not let you jump in there, how is it trying to convince you? Love? It is just trying to deceive you!

“Goodbye to my misery, you have a so lovely voice, but that will not save me from my destiny”

Destiny!? What you are planning to do is just a nonsense!”

“If you are not the one who you are supposed to be, then you do not know me, and therefore, you words will not be listen by me, just return from where you came”

You are so mean!” She said with disappointment, after that I close my eyes and I jumped, while I said to myself “perdón”. I began to swallow, my lungs filled with water in less than a minute, and the only thing I could see was the light of the moon, becoming brighter and brighter, until I finally closed my eyes. A lot of yells from all known and unknown voices were heard by my ears, I wanted to open my eyes in order to see them, but I couldn’t, as a pair of soft hands and fingers, kept my eyes closed.

“Where am I?” I asked

But a silence was the answer, the voices were hushed, and a gentle warm breeze flew through the place I was. “Am I dead?” I asked to myself, but I did not feel relief as most of the people said, on the contrary, I felt heavy and I could barely breathe. My thoughts were not about happiness or pleasure, but about guilt and sadness.

“Cry” one voice said.

“Stop crying” said another

“Cry” said a third voice

Someone, cleaned my tears, and finally the first voice commanded “open your eyes“.

It was hard to open them, the light in all the place was so white, so silver and so golden. I could scarcely distinguished a human shape, with long golden hair, she asked again for my name, I was about to say it, but I could not say any word.

“Who am I?” I asked.

That does not matter” she answered.

“I heard three different voices, but now you are only one, how is that possible?”

We are a Trinity

“A Trinity of what?”

You would not understand it

“Then, why am I here?”

One of the Trinity recognized you, and requested to save you

“Who is she?”

You know her, so I will not say her name, and before you try to convince me, tell me, what did you were thinking about before jumping? You have to know that suicide is the biggest sin a person can make, did you know that? The one who asked for saving you said that you are not so clumsy at all, so, why did you do it?

I did not even remember jumping, in fact, the last thing I remember was walking to the bridge.

I see, you may not remember, but your soul do, so I will talk with it, and then I will wake you up

2015-10-29 14.14.14.jpg

Before the sunset, a pretty young woman and I were talking in a park near a small river. Our conversation was about nothing, as I do not remember anything, until she asked me “who are you?”

“I am Miguel, and you?”

“Aidana, nice to meet you

“Nice to meet you, too”

I saw my watch, and I had to finish the conversation as I had to go to my faculty to take an exam.

Please” she said “Do not think about it, you must know that is not your best choice

“Do not think about my exam? How? I need to pass it”

You know what I am talking about

“Maybe, or maybe not”

“No, you really know what I am talking about, if you do not set sail now, there will not be another chance”.

And that was our temporary goodbye, but not the end.

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